Happy Birthday Baby

They say when you have a baby life moves into overdrive mode. That could not be a better description of the last 12 months, 9 days, 7 hours and 45 minutes of my life. June 22, 2006 at 2:33 p.m. the world as we knew it evaporated and was replaced with Harper’s world.

It has gone so quickly, it is hard to believe my son is one year old. It seems like time has stood still and rocketed forward all at the same time. It seems like only a few minutes ago the second little pink line appeared in the window at 5 a.m. and I was a total nutcase the rest of the day. It seems like just this morning that I couldn’t breathe for a minute when the doctor confirmed I was pregnant, and then I couldn’t breathe for nine months. Pant and pee, that’s what I did best.

Sometimes the scar from my c-section will sting or twinge in the middle of meeting at work and instead of making me wince in pain, it makes me smile and remember the moment my husband said the words, “Honey, meet Harper”. My tummy was wide open, there were 7 or 8 doctors and nurses milling about and I all wanted to do was hold that little bundle of pure joy that had kicked my ribs black and blue for the previous nine months. Well, about 4 1/2 months of actual kicking, but it seemed like so much longer.

We didn’t find out ahead of time what we were having and like meeting anyone for the first time, the first few hours were spent getting to know this new little person who had entered our family. It was so surreal since I had pretty much decided having a baby just wasn’t in the cards for us. We were both in our 40’s and having no luck. But then God blessed us with success and life has never been the same.

I had always heard that the love of a parent was one of unconditional, unconscious, unbridled love that can only be felt by a parent. It’s not that I didn’t believe it; it’s just that I had never experienced it. Honestly, before I had Harper I wasn’t sure if I was capable of that kind of love.

I love my parents, love my husband, love God, love my family and knew I was a loving caring person. But I also knew I was a bit selfish, not obnoxiously so, but selfish in the way that comes from living on your own for a long time.

But the minute this little guy entered the world I suddenly realized what all the fuss was about. This is the kind of love that makes the world stop when you can’t hear his breathing on the monitor. It’s the kind of love that let’s you hear his cry over five other screaming babies in the church nursery, three rooms away. It’s the kind of love where you know that no harm will come to him as long as you are physically able to protect him.

The night he was born I remember looking down at his beautiful little face, touching his nose, his lips, his chin, his eyelashes and thinking this moment will only last one second. Actually, I think it lasted less than a second. The first year is over and it was filled with laughter, tears, giggles, yawns, whines, squeals, ear piercing screams and snuggles that make your heart melt away.

It was year of firsts for all of us. Every moment cherished and burned in my memory. We have taken great care to document everything either in pictures or writing. I hope he reads this someday and realizes just how much he changed my life. I sometimes think back to life just a few short years ago and wonder who that person was. Everything is so different now and for the better. My life as a single girl was good, but the life I have now is complete. It is complete with a loving husband, beautiful baby and wonderful step-son.

Harper took a few steps this week. It made me excited and sad all at the same time. These are just the first of millions he will take in his life. Steps toward becoming a loving, caring, fun, beautiful man that I know he will grow into. Right now I am going to treasure these moments because I know they are all too fleeting.

Happy Birthday baby.